Invisible Scars
by SquintSquad183
Summary: Nobody knew how much Dr. Johnathan Michael Dorian was really hiding. But a near tragic event, a physical examination, and a phone call to his brother later revealed almost everything. Then the pieces of his old life fall together, and it's not a pretty picture. And it all started because he was late to work. Warning- Possible Character Death, Language, and Dark Themes.. NOT SLASH
1. Late

**NOTICE:: There is a person out there, with the username PerryCoxLover. He/She completely copy and pasted this story onto their own, naming it Scars. Just so everyone out there knows, this was written first and is the original. To be honest I am furious and I feel ripped off, but nevermind. I just wanted you all to know that THIS is the original. I already have, but if you would report the utter plagiarism and help the copied version be taken down quicker, I would be really grateful. Thank you.  
**

**Disclaimer:: I own absolutely nothing. **

**Author's Note:: For any of you who read anything else I write, I've not got the best record with updating regularly or finishing in a very timely manner. I probably should be working on my Teen Wolf fanfic, but I started watching Scrubs on my Netflix and.. this just wouldn't leave me alone. If you don't know me, you might not know that I have some fascination with killing and/or maiming characters and writing about other character's reactions.. yeah.. I'm weird.. and possibly demented, but ya know.. anyway.. here we go. **

**Warnings:: Dark themes, language, suicidal thoughts or tendencies, and possible character death. **

* * *

Dr. Perry Cox checked his watch for about the fortieth time in the past twenty minutes. Where the hell was Newbie? His shift started almost an hour ago and he just hadn't shown up?! What the fuck was the matter with him? Grumbling quietly to himself he made his way to the next patient. He spoke rapidly to the patient over the bed, before tossing over his shoulder a quick demand.

"Start Mr. Jacobs on a round of-" abruptly realizing that Newbie was, in fact, not there, and he had acted merely on habit.

Biting his lip and thinking fast, he gave a short whistle to an intern that was walking nervously down the hallway. Said intern looked back at Perry with a look of shock and confusion on his face, and there was a lot of fear as well, but that was normal when Cox addressed an intern.

"M-Me S-Sir?" he asked shakily as he walked toward his superior.

"Yes, you Susan Slowmotion. Now go get some Cefedroxil for Martin here... Now! Chop chop!" He watched with a look of smug satisfaction as the intern gave a rushed 'yes sir' and vanished from sight. Without even a second look at the patient, he left the room.

Impatience and irritation growing at the lack of Newbie to use as an emotional punching bag, he walked toward the nurses station, leaning on the counter and glaring at the women behind. He barked his next words, directed at Carla, who was thumbing through a stack of files.

"Where the hell is Julianna?" He snapped, although his tone was softer with Carla than it had been with the intern. He could tolerate her much more than the others.

"Who?" she asked, not even looking up from her files as she quickly sorted them into piles based on doctors. "I'm not telling you anything until you use his proper name."

"You don't use his proper name." he shot back, if somewhat childishly. "You use the completely and utterly moronic Disney cartoon pet name."

"That's different. He's my Bambi." she was now straightening the files and dropping them into their respective bins. "Now, who were you looking for."

"Where. Is. Newbie." His words were accented with an icy staccato.

"Not what I was looking for, but close enough." She paused long enough to turn and actually look at Dr. Cox for the first time. "No, I haven't seen JD yet today. Turk just asked me too. Have you paged him?"

"Have I paged him?!" Cox asked, dumbfounded. Did she really just ask him that? "Yes I've paged him! About twenty times actually. And he hasn't called, or paged back, or anything. Half the freaking staff hasn't shown up, and I'm covering about six intern's patients. He needs to be here tonight."

"Well I'll call, alright, I have to do my job tonight too."

As Perry stormed away to check on another patient, he glanced down at his watch. It was 9:30 PM. If Newbie wasn't here in the next thirty minutes... he almost went into a daydream about the chewing out he would give him the next time he saw Shirley's face. As he rounded a corner, he saw somebody out of the corner of his eye.

"Barbie!" he snapped, whistling sharply.

"Yes, Dr. Cox?"

"When Paulianne McKay gets in today, you are to page me and clear the area of witnesses." Barbie rolled her eyes and turned away, moving back to aiding her own patients.

* * *

It was another ten minutes before Carla finished sorting out the files and getting them into the correct bins for the correct doctors. And it really didn't help that every four seconds someone was calling, or some doctor was needing lab results and couldn't wait another twenty seconds. Finally, at about 9:45, she managed to pick up the phone from the desk in front of her and put it to her ear. Dialing the number familiar to her as her fiance's best friend's number.

She wasn't too surprised when she got his answering machine. He probably just overslept and was on his way in. She waited patiently until the whole message was over and the beep sounded.

"Hey JD, it's Carla. You better get your skinny white ass down here before Dr. Cox starts ripping heads off puppies and babies. C'mon Bambi. We need ya up here. Today is most definitely not the day to play hookie."

She hung up the phone, and returned to the files and lab work.

* * *

It had been another two hours. Newbie was nowhere to be found, and they were completely and utterly swamped. Dr. Cox's temper was to the max, and anyone who hung around near him for too long was liable to end up in the emergency room. As he leaned back on the couch in the lounge to take his first break of the night, he got a page for a new patient, still critical. Groaning, he dragged himself to his feet.

It wasn't a long walk, but at the same time each step was tiring, mainly because with each stride he was passing the rooms of patients that he would have to tend to later anyway. Just the thought tempted him to ignore the page and just go sleep, in the on-call room if necessary. If it would get him away from all the patients, Gomers, and idiotic interns who seemed to think that he existed purely as an advice box, it would be worth it. As he entered the room that had curtains blocking off another patient, he barely glanced at the patient that laid on the bed.

He picked up the clipboard that held all the information and quickly scanned over it. All it said was that basically they had no clue who the guy was, what his medical history was, whether or not he had any allergies.. Basically all it said was that he was a man, and he was in his late twenties. He let loose a long whistle as he read down the list of injuries from a car crash. Head trauma, broken left arm and leg, shattered wrist, eight broken ribs, internal damage, dislocated right shoulder, heavy blood loss. Two thoughts echoed through his head. One, how lucky the man before him was to even be alive, and two, that it didn't look much like he was going to be much longer.

He leaned forward to look at the man's face, but it was impossible to discern any features, what little of his face that wasn't bandaged, had stitches. All he could tell was that the guy had dark brown hair, but much of it had been shaved so parts of his head could be stitched. He picked up a needle from the side of the bed and drew a vile of blood from it. He whistled for an Intern who came running, and handed him the vile.

"Get this guy's blood type and get transfusions set up. He's lost a lot of blood."

"Yessir." As the flustered intern dashed off, Perry took a second to look at the unconscious patient. He frowned.

"Poor guy.." he whispered, "It would've been easier on you if you had just died.." he sighed before going back to check up on his patients.

* * *

He had almost fallen asleep, fucking ALMOST! When his pager went off. Again. This one however had him on his feet and running down the hall in seconds. The patient, the one he had called lucky, he was coding. He had gotten there seconds before the nurses, and in a few seconds more the defibrillator was in his hands. A nurse did compressions, before he pressed the paddles to the man's chest. His chest arched upwards as the paddles touched his skin. He repeated this about seven or eight times, when he was about to call it.

Out of the blue, the a small beep roused his attention. He was thrilled to see that one again the patient's heart was beating. He set the defibrillator back on the crash cart and sighed in relief, looking down at the patient. Suddenly and without any warning, the eye that wasn't covered in a bandage snapped open, and stared right at Perry. The second it was open it closed, it opening of course was just nerves reacting. He couldn't have opened his eyes with the heavy pain and sleeping medication he was under. But Perry didn't notice or care.

"Uhm... Dr. Cox?" someone said behind him, but he didn't care. As he stared down at the patient, a single thought echoed through his lips, but he wouldn't say it aloud. The image of the pale blue iris flashed before his eyes again and again and again. Because he knew that eye. He saw that eye every day. It felt like he had been punched right in the chest, as the name echoed again. In a voice so quiet he didn't even hear himself, he whispered.

"Newbie?"

* * *

**So.. too cheesy? Crappy? Or did you like it? I don't mean to be a comment whore but when I get reviews, I do usually update faster.. **


	2. Questions

**Okay, I battled writers block all the way through this chapter, so I know it fails miserably, but I plan to make up for it soon. I swear. I'm really struggling writing from Dr. Cox's point of veiw, so I'm really sorry if this isn't up to standard. **

**I failed to mention this in the first chapter but this takes place about ten or so episodes into season three. But at the same time it is slightly AU. Jordan and Dr. Cox aren't back together. (I know.. but I just never really did like the idea of them together... it just didn't seem right) And you'll probably notice some other subtle differences. **

**Warning:: Dark themes, suicidal thoughts or tendencies, and possible Character Death. **

* * *

_"Newbie?"_

No. Surely he was mistaken. Maybe he just really needed to sleep and had started imagining things. But why on God's green Earth would he imagine seeing Newbie's eye in a patient that was probably dying? It made absolutely no sense. Well if he was going to be entirely honest with himself, he knew why he would. Sighing, he considered calling Newbie. He instantly thought up a quick rant to throw at him or the answering machine. Either one would do really.

Even now as he stretched out in the On Call room, he struggled to clear his thoughs. While an hour ago he couldn't get to sleep fast enough, he was now using every ounce of his willpower to get his brain to shut up. Every time he shut his eyes he was bombarded by senseless questions that he didn't know the answers to. They were like annoying gnats buzzing around in his head and just wouldn't leave him be, and the fact that he had no answer for them made it, if possible, worse.

Why would he imagine Newbie? Why would he imagine Newbie as a dying patient? And his personal favorite, how the hell did he know what Newbie's eyes look like so well that he could imagine them on a dying patient? After about ten minutes, his head was pounding harder than before.

Groaning and leaning upwards, he sighed. He flicked his eyes downward to hist watch. It was almost 2:00 AM, so in about another two hours he could just go home and get drunk. All thoughts of drinking aside however, Perry was furious. At Newbie. If the damn girl had gotten off her menstruel cycle ang had just come to work like she was supposed to, none of this would even be happening. If she had just taken a damn Midol and had shown up, he wouldn't be seeing painfully farmilar eyes in critical patients.

Finally giving up on the concept of sleep, Dr. Cox rolled himself off the on call bed and slid his arms back into the sleeves of his white jacket. Replacing the stethescope over his neck, he walked into the main hallway and walked toward the nurses station. He saw Ghandi leaning over the counter talking to Carla as he approached. Leaning against said counter a few feet away, he looked over at Ghandi again who was talking about something about Newbie. He thought for a second before tossing out his next comment.

"Found your girlfriend, Ghandi?" He shot out. There was surprisingly little malice in his voice however, he was too tired to actually put any of the signeture Cox sarcasm into his voice. He internally cringed at that, making a mental note to be more sarcastic.

"No.. And I won't be able to check on him tonight either." He sounded genuinely upset, so naturally Perry went through about seven or eight snarky and sarcastic comments that presented themselves, and he was in the process of choosing one when Carla's voice interupted.

"You can run by his apartment on the way home.. just make sure he's okay.. it's not like him to not answer the phone."

After she said this, Perry's mind suddenly went back to work. If his memory served him, didn't Newbie always babble on about the apartment he shared with Turk? Well.. he was always saying that he didn't give a rats ass about the girl's personal life, it seemed like finally Dorthy had taken it to heart. He was thinking hard when once again, Carla broke through his musing.

"Did you need something Dr. Cox?"

"No.. just wanted to know if Emma had ever called you back, but based on your convo with Ghandi over there, I'm assuming she hasn't." And with that said, Dr. Cox walked around to check up on his patients one last time before he would finally be able to go home.

Ten minutes until he could go home, and rather than gathering up his keys and beating it as soon as he possibly could, he was sitting in the room with the car accident patient. Well sitting isn't exactly the correct word, he was really leaning on the wall as he listened to the ventilator breathe for the man. He just stood there, trying to calm himself down. He had to have just been imagining what he just kept telling himself that JD was probably just at home sleeping off the flu or something.

He wanted to check out what little was found on this guy that wasn't entirely destroyed, try to find something that would deny that this was Newbie. But all he had been able to was find out two things. One, that the guy was on a moped or something, which wasn't exactly helpful in calming his stress, and that it was being classified as a hit and run and that all evidence found was going to be kept by the police for awhile. He sighed and looked at the man again before standing and walking out ther door.

"Hey! Doctor Cox!" A horrifically farmilar voice pierced though his ears, giving him an instant headache.

"I'm sorry to disappoint Barbie but, contrary to popular belief, I am not here for the sole purpose of asking questions."

"Whoa.. you look like somebody just killed your puppy.. actually you like what I assume you would look like if somebody killed your puppy. If you even had a puppy. And-"

"I'm gonna stop you right there. Just. Stop. Talking."

"But sir! I just wanted to know if you'd seen JD yet..."

"No I haven't. And I must say it has been nice without a little girl-dog nipping at my heels every four seconds."

"I just thought-"

"Well you thought wrong Barbie, now if you don't mind, I'll be going home now, getting drunk, and probably passing out, and then guess what, I get to start all over again tomorrow. So ya know.. finding your little boyfriend isn't exactly at the top of my list."

"He's not my-!"

But it didn't matter. Dr. Cox was walking away without another glance back. And he had told the truth, he planned to go home, and he planned to get some drinks, but he had a stop he had to make first. As he walked toward the elevator, he pulled from his pocket a strip of paper. Looking down at the scrap, he read the scrawled writing that was his own. It was the only information that he had been able to glean that might just help. "East River Blvd." Somewhere on that road the accident that gave him his critical patient had ocurred.

As he stepped out of the elevator, he found himself questioning his motives again. He tried telling himself that he was wondering why Newbie hadn't shown up tonight. Then he tried convincing himself that he wanted to inform the patients family. Niether excuse was really working, but he told himself that it was the latter. He knew that if you told yourself something long and hard enough, part of you would start to actually believe it.

* * *

He drove for about twenty minutes before he finally made it to East River Boulevard. He stopped his car when he saw a strip of rubber and a lot of shattered glass by the edge of the road. He assumed this was the place where the accident had happened. He got out of the car and walked about twenty feet ahead. What was he looking for? He had no fucking clue. He turned to walk back to his car, and that's when he saw it. Tucked under a bit of asphalt was a piece of broken plastic. He bent over and retrieved it, holding the flimsy piece of plastic in his palm. It was burned and broken, but he could make out parts of the red and white tag. He could tell it was a tag because of the bit at the top that obviously connected to some kind of lanyard or band.

He couldn't discern much from it, but he could enough. All he could read off of it was "red Heart ital." Tucking the piece into his pocket he returned to his car, where he sat for several minutes in complete silence. He had the gut wrenching feeling that if he could gather all of the name tag, as he had a feeling that's what it was, it would read 'Sacred Heart Hospital, John Dorian M.D.'

* * *

**So.. how terrible was it? Ugh.. I feel like a complete failure after this chapter, so I really apologize. Also, I don't like my description of the badge Dr. Cox found, so I put a link to a picture on my profile. So yeah.. Review? **


End file.
